I had to use the words lacuna, oscitate (which, according to Word and Blogspot, is not a word), synchronicity, and miasma, ( plus imago in the title).
And for even more fun, I had to reference a mirror, and keep it at exactly 200 words! AND, I wrote it in second person, a personal first. So, without further ado, here you go :)
Everlasting Imago
The room smells like cigar smoke. I hated the miasmas from
your cigars while I was here. I miss them now.
Those months with you had been the happiest of my life, but
they hadn’t meant much to you, had they? You were just waiting for the day when
I was gone, and it would be yours.
That day apparently hadn’t come soon enough. Still now I
wonder how I hadn’t seen it coming. Shouldn’t I have doubted the synchronicity
of it all? From our random meetings, to how perfect you seemed to me? But I
hadn’t. That was the point.
Your oscitation as you wake brings me back to the present. I follow you to the bathroom, closing the gap
between us, but you’re just as unreachable as ever. I was prepared for your oblivion of my presence,
yet still I long to reach for you, to call your name. But the dead cannot talk
to the living.
As you brush your teeth only your reflection appears in the
mirror, a testament of the lacuna between us. Now it is my turn to wait. To
wait until the day you join me, and we can be together again. Forever.
...........
Well, what do you think? Stop be here to vote, I'm number 181. Thanks :)
I love a good ghost story, well done!
ReplyDeletePoor ghost. I don't fancy the former lover's chances when s/he finally dies and meets that vengeful spirit :-)
ReplyDeleteHow sad, but very well written!
ReplyDeleteMy entry is just the one before you :)
This is so bittersweet. I love ghost stories :) Excellent take on the challenge.
ReplyDeleteVery nice, you had me thinking he was the one, and then it was you! Love it! ; )
ReplyDeleteWow, I didn't expect her to be a ghost. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteWow... loved this! The ending was a surprise and it made me want to go back to reread the whole piece. Fabulous job!
ReplyDeleteGhost stories are awesome! I really liked this - though if this guy's (yes I am assuming it's a guy) not as upset as he should be, maybe he needs a good haunting. hehe
ReplyDeleteI love ghost stories! This is a great piece, Rachel!
ReplyDeleteMine is #3.
Brave you, writing in second person. I don't think I have ever done that either. It worked though and good for you for doing it. I enjoyed contemplating what had gone on between them, the unusual perspective of the ghost and the spookiness of the mirror. Good job. (Unless I misunderstood something, should you, in the first line be 'your'?)
ReplyDeleteCreeeepy! Good job! And second person? Awesome!
ReplyDeletethanks everyone!
ReplyDeleteand whoops! thanks for letting me know about that mistake S P Mount :)
Ooo, I like this, Rachel! Heading on over to vote for you! :)
ReplyDeleteWell done, Rachel! Very nice twist at the end there. I enjoyed this :)
ReplyDeleteA poignant ghost story written in the second person complete with an odd collection of words PLUS a great writing voice !! I love it ! A very brave attempt ! I think you've aced this challenge !
ReplyDeleteMy entry at no.#185
Oh I love the ending. Gave me a little chill. Forever :D
ReplyDeleteGreat attempt at the challenge. Well done.
Great! Good choice for October with Halloween coming up.
ReplyDeleteThat was excellent!
ReplyDeleteYou're totally speaking my language here. Very engaging without being creepy.
Great job, Rachel! :)
Love the fact that you wrote in 2nd person. And it's a ghost story so I automatically love it even more. :)
ReplyDeleteReal surprise ending, Rachell. Nice!
ReplyDeleteWhoop-whoop. Here come Halloween and perfect time. Very good story.
ReplyDeleteExcellent writing.
#188
Great job! Reminded me of "Wuthering Heights":)
ReplyDeleteHi again Rachel! There is an award for you over on my blog.
ReplyDeleteSpooky and sad! Well done. I can't link direct to my story post in my signature on your blog so here is the url so you can go direct to it if you wish: http://djkirkby.co.uk/2011/09/imago-dragonflies/
ReplyDeleteForever...
ReplyDelete=) I'm super late to the party because I didn't participate this time, but I enjoyed your entry. Haunting.